He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
