Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
