I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
