If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
