Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
