There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my shit smells like andre
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
