I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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