SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
