i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
