they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize