I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
