I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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