Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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