she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Houston, we have a blender
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
