Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
