I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
