I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
