Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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