I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
