I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
