Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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