nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
