you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
