I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
