thus making me awesome and them whores
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
