RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
