my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
