i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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