Porn is love you can see.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
pop tarts are not kleenex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
