that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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