Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
