Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize