Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
