You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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