remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
