It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
