I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
