I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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