Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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