before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
