haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
