i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
