My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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