She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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