Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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