You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
