hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
