Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
