i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
