Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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