wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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