i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
