So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
