College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
