Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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