i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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