i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
