I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
