she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
