I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
