the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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