I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
