it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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