The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There are leaves in my underwear?
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