You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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