My friends, they love my intelligence
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
