it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize