Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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