Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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