I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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