No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
