The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
one might say we're banned from that church
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
