I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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