is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
