I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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